Just an update

-

 

Photo credit Michael Bupp, Carlisle Sentinel

 

I'm way behind in updating my blog. Just about the time I recommitted to updating regularly and talking about my anxiety journey, things got really busy around here! Busy in a good way, I'm glad to say. I got more editing work, and my husband's new book was released. So there's no time for blogging.

 

I'm going to try a quick update here, without rereading and editing this to death as I'm prone to do. I've been using dictation software and voice commands to increase my productivity. Right now I'm speaking this using Windows 10 dictation. I've also played around with the Google Docs voice tool and various voice commands on my phone and in my car. I do go back and fix punctuation and other details, but this is much faster than typing. I'm an OK typist, maybe 35 words per minute? Speaking is faster and easier, though.

 

So, perhaps the increased productivity I get from dictating will free up time to actually write the blog posts I have thought about lately! Thoughts on adoptee citizenship, racism against Asians, Black history month (yeah, I know, I'm WAY too late) (side note: apparently you can't just say parentheses and they appear, like periods and commas). ANYHOO. The other post will be called, Am I disabled? I have to hash that one out some more in my brain.

 

On the anxiety front, the SSRI I started taking in December has brought me back to feeling like myself again, THANK GOODNESS. The constant fear and dread and panic is largely gone. 🙏 But the OCD structures I built up last year sadly remain.


It's like this. Imagine a big storm goes through at night. High winds, heavy rain, thunder and lightning. Branches are down everywhere. A tree falls and damages your roof. You get up the next morning to bright sun, clear blue skies, no clouds, no wind. A stunningly beautiful day—but you're surrounded by storm damage. The storm is gone, but you have to clean up and repair the damage. That's how I feel. The storm is gone, for which I'm very grateful. But it left a big mess. The medication will not make the mess magically disappear. I have to do the work of cleaning up and fixing the hole in the roof. It's going to take deliberate, concerted effort on my part to beat back the OCD compulsions. That said, it is a huge relief to be feeling better most of the time.

 

Well, I should probably get to work. It's Monday morning, and I have a whole day in front of me with no appointments at all. It's just me and the dogs until 3:30. On days like this, it's a challenge to get moving and be productive. I spend Sunday evening thinking about alllllll the stuff I'm gonna do in the empty house on Monday. Then Monday comes and I stare at the wall. It's the same energy in this comic—just substitute "during the school day" for "after work":


(Start to finish, this post took me about 40 minutes. I guess that's not too bad. As long as I don't hop on Facebook, Twitter, and Geoguessr, I should still be able to get some stuff done today. I am liking this dictation thing! Pretty cool!)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Songs I would sample: a list

-
  For fun, I've been thinking about songs I might sample if I were a pop artist. Here’s what I’ve got so far. Que Será, Será (Doris Day version) Puttin’ On the Ritz (Taco version) Informer Paranoimia (feat. Max Headroom) Ah! Leah In the Mood I’m a Mess (Laurie Berkner Band) Dang Me Hooked on Classics Barney Miller theme song (season 3) Music Box Dancer Time to Change (the Brady Bunch) Pennsylvania Polka Hanging on a Heartbeat (the Hooters) Rondo alla turca from Mozart's Sonata in A Major, as played on harpsichord by Alice Ehlers Washington Post March Mairzy Doats Shoo Fly Pie and Apple Pan-Dowdy One O’clock Jump performed by Doc Severinsen (specifically, that lick at 1:06) Foggy Mountain Breakdown Koala Brothers theme One Night in Bangkok  
Read more

Five years

-
Image
  It’s a chilly July morning (FINALLY!) and I’m wrapped in my mom’s napping afghan. It feels like a hug. My last actual Mom-hug happened in June 2018. Five years ago. On an unknown date in late July 2018, we talked for the last time. It was one or two days after my son had had a significant surgical procedure. “How’s our patient?” she wanted to know. I was happy to update her but quickly felt anxious to get back to him and ended the call. Soon after that conversation, she was back in the hospital. She’d been there in April and—I had forgotten this until just now when I read through my old emails—earlier in July. COPD, pneumonia, UTIs, she was not well. Still, the sudden decline surprised us. She wasn’t with it enough to talk to me on the phone. I left for Harrisburg early on Tuesday morning, July 31, after being informed on Sunday that this likely was the end. The 400-mile drive gave me (too much) time to imagine various bedside scenarios. I figured my sister and I wo...
Read more

My Running Path

-
  My 11-year-old has been going to taekwondo twice a week since the year he started kindergarten. Classes are held in a fitness center; every time I drop him off, I long to be one of those exercisey people I see at the gym. In six years I have not made it happen. I started yoga at home last year after “discovering” Yoga with Adriene but couldn’t make it a habit, even though Adriene is adorable and I love her. Because of my lifelong struggle to make an exercise regimen stick, every few years I get amnesia and think “I should try running again! I probably didn’t give it a fair shake last time.” The last time, I tried Couch to 5K and failed. I concluded that some bodies are just not meant to run. For me the problem is the lungs. I truly feel they’re going to explode. In late August, as the boys’ summer break came to a close, I reluctantly googled “Couch to 5K” (thinking I should try again) and got an unexpected hit: None To Run , a program gentler and mor...
Read more